Stepping off his space ship to an eager crowd of paid actors, the world’s most apprentice-firing candidate announces that another name has been added to the highly over-populated field of Republican Presidential contenders.
This brings to the total number of GOP hopefuls to 25. Yes I said 25! Before you run out and celebrate, the process of adding still more to this number has not yet been completed. There are others who have not yet declared their candidacy (to learn more, click on this link). But getting back to my celebration of top comb-over Donald joining with such notables as other previous losers, Huckabee, Santorum and Perry, just to name a few.
Now that Mr. Obama, and his phony claims to being born on U.S. soil, will no longer serve as fodder for the Donald’s rants, The Donald will have to focus on the main Democratic contender, Hillary, who, if memory serves, hails from Outer Mongolia. The fact that the devilishly handsome Trump comes from Mars doesn’t seem to stick in his memory. For someone whose place of birth is 140,000 miles from our planet, he speaks English remarkably well—so well, in fact, that he was able to utter this complete sentence: “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”
For those of you who still believe in the existence of a Supreme Being (other than Donald Trump), isn’t a little difficult to cotton to the fact that in His infinite wisdom, this is the President He has anointed?
Trump’s not the only candidate that has the Heavenly blessing. He is joined, among others, by John Dummet, Jr., a man who truly lives up to his name. Dummet, too, proudly espouses that leaders require God’s guidance, and that Gay Marriage and women’s right to choose should be outlawed, because they go against Judeo-Christian beliefs. Conveniently forgetting that most of the nation’s founders were deists and not theists, he insists that we must practice politics with the same intent and religious dedication as they allegedly did. He also believes that the founders signed onto a Constitution that should never be amended, because they were prescient enough to know how technology would advance 228 years later. But I digress yet again.
“Love him or hate him, Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.”
Now this would be a great quote, except that it was made by Trump himself. And ladies, if you didn’t believe it before, you definitely should, now.
“The second-greatest day of a man’s life is the day he buys a yacht, but the greatest day of a man’s life is the day he sells it.”
The above quote was specifically aimed at people on food stamps. If the man knows anything, it’s his audience.
Finally, the Donald has the perfect solution for America’s financial woes. Declare bankruptcy. He did it (twice), and it didn’t stop his 2 million dollars a year checks from coming.
To further his candidacy, Donald will be appearing next Sunday on Disgrace the Nation.