What a fitting subject to be included in the Restless Knights blog.
Most people believe that the Crusades ended around the end of the 13th century. What they don’t realize is that one is still going on, right here in the 21st.
Only this time it’s going by a different, although similar title. “The Cruzsades.”
Its purpose is basically the same as the first nine; to make the world safe for Christianity, because what we all know is that it is under threat. Well, some of us do.
While the world has a good laugh at our expense, regarding our presidential politics, we have lined up, on the Republican side, the uncanniest of candidates in our nation’s history.
I can’t remember a single election where those running for the highest office in the land were competing on the size of their members – and I am not referring to those claiming to be the party faithful. Up until Rubio stepped off the debate platform, Republican voters had to choose between which candidate had the biggest putz, and which one was the biggest putz. You can appreciate what a challenge that would be after stepping into that voting booth on primary day.
As the contest rolls on, seemingly without end, it appears to get more and more absurd. Cruz, self-appointed head-Christian, gets on his knees — every single day — to pray that he will be the chosen one (and he’s not even Jewish). During a recent prayer vigil, Jesus told Ted that he’d better pick his Vice Presidential choice soon, because Hillary was sure to be his opponent in November, and a woman with similar qualities would be his best option. But instead, he chose the female who had done some damage to the Donald in an early-season debate. The only thing similar between Carly and Hillary is their reproductive system.
Since the Cruzsades have already begun, Carly did look pretty good in uniform, and battle-ready — an important qualification. Carly also showed that fetus that she alleged Planned Parenthood put up for sale. You can’t get more pro-Christian and anti-reproductive rights more than that.
Ted believes that the nation is just not Christian enough, and he’s got some ideas on how to fix that. For example: Old Glory is a couple of hundred years old, and is due for a makeover. No. He’s not going to make Puerto Rico a state, but he’s got a better idea. What better way to remind Americans that we are a Christian nation than to design our flag accordingly.
With a Cruz win, this emblem will be unfurled everywhere. Betsy Ross will turn over in her grave, but that’s the price she pays for not designing it that way in the first place.
But why are we talking about the Great Cruzsader as if he were the apparent winner in Cleveland? Because the party faithful (and I mean FAITHful) will not permit the owner of Trump enterprises to be the GOP nominee. Is it because Trump University only taught one thing: Don’t believe anything the Donald says. Could it be because three of Trump’s companies have declared bankruptcy? Are they saying we shouldn’t put our trust in a man who lost money in gambling casinos? Many people do, but not when they own those very same casinos.
He promises to make America great again, but what he’s really accomplished can be be shown on this banner: